Understanding Abusive Behaviours
Recognizing tactics like gaslighting and love bombing to regain your clarity.
Why Understanding is Power
Abusers use a playbook of tactics designed to confuse, control, and disempower you. By learning to recognize these behaviours, you can begin to see the situation more clearly. It's not about you being "too sensitive" or "crazy"—it's about them using specific, manipulative strategies.
When you understand the behaviour, it's harder to be manipulated by it. This knowledge was a key part of my own journey to safety and clarity.
Gaslighting: Making You Doubt Your Reality
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person seeks to make you doubt your own memory, perception, and sanity. The goal is to make you reliant on them for your sense of reality.
Common Gaslighting Phrases:
- "You're being too sensitive / you're overreacting."
- "That never happened. You're imagining things."
- "I'm sorry you feel that way." (Not a real apology; it implies your feelings are the problem).
- "I was only joking." (Used to excuse hurtful comments).
Love Bombing: Overwhelming Affection as Control
Love bombing is when a new partner showers you with intense and excessive affection, gifts, and attention. It feels wonderful, but its purpose is to make you dependent on them and gain control quickly.
Signs of Love Bombing:
- Rushing commitment and talking about being "soulmates" very early on.
- Constant, overwhelming communication and attention.
- Ignoring your need for space or time with your friends and family.
- When the intense affection is suddenly withdrawn and replaced with control or criticism, leaving you desperate to get the "good" phase back.
Trust Your Gut
If a relationship feels confusing, exhausting, or makes you question yourself constantly, trust that feeling. These tactics are designed to be confusing. Your feelings are valid.